As a follow-up to Part One, I would like to self-evaluate myself, which could just as well edify me becoming a better person in general.
From the screenplay, I noticed these things about myself:
1.) I can hold a conversation however, I have to make sure I’m careful to let other people have their opportunity to speak.
In reality though, I started this life on Earth with a speaking problem that caused my many of my peers to ridicule me, which somewhat lowered my self-esteem and my will to speak. With God’s provision of a speaking therapist, the improvement made a world of difference. During this phase of my life, God revealed one of his gifts in my life, which was writing. But anyone who happens to meet me today would not imagine that I ever had a big stuttering problem in life.
You know, it is so ironic that I’ve been blessed to speak well in front of big audiences and with my peers after having a speak problem. I would say, starting from high school, a lot of my peers (some older too) would rely on me for advice; and that, I would give them. Surprisingly, at my family church in Little Rock, AR (Greater South Temple COGIC), usually I would be asked to give the sermons during the youth services/ programs. Personally, speaking with people (whether verbally or artistically) and listening to people have always been my two ways of helping people out and helping myself out.
Overall, people always thought that I had something good to say to speak to their current situations, in which, at most times, it did. Since I’ve offered my peers with helpful advice for some time now, it has become a habit for me to assume that I always have to speak. But in all essence, I love to listen and watch life unfold more than anything. And although people around me think that I’m a great person, I’m hearing this small voice inside of me telling,
“You’re talking too much. And you know Pat, all the person really wanted you to do was just listen. Argh Pat, just listen. Argh Pat, although you love details because you feel that it really puts something into perspective however, there’s no need for you to include that this time–if they want to know more, let them ask. Pat, you said that already–was it necessary to say it again?”
Personally, I know the value of just being heard. Being heard could be a life changing experience. As a young African-American blessed to do much, I rely on close friends older than me to confirm whether I’m on the right track. And I love them to death for just taking time out of their busy schedule to hear and correct my thoughts or tell me that I’m on the right track. Right now, I’m trying to find the balance again where I can speak when needed but importantly be the listener and observer that I’ve always been. So, why do I want to balance my speaking and listening time? Not only will it be beneficial for my future experiences down the road but specifically, it will be beneficial to my brothers and sisters in Christ, my friends, my immediate family, my family to raise, my students, fans, etc.
You know the saying, “It’s easier sound than done.” That’s true some cases but, not in this case. I’ve made the correction once I noticed that speaking was becoming a problem. Now, I’ll just have to grow in it.
2.) The second thing I learned was that: I should be not anxious for anything.
I was led back to Romans 5: 2-5 (KJV)
2. By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.
3. And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;
4. And patience, experience; and experience, hope:
5. And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.
With my gift of writing, God knows that I want to touch a lot of people with my writings however, if I only touch myself with them then I will be fine with that.
With my gift of music, God knows that I want to touch a lot of people with my compositions, my piano play (as David moved King Saul with his harp-play), and singing however, if my musical abilities were only meant for them to bring me closer to God or to understand his grace and love more me better than I’m cool with that.
With my gift of bring solace when I’m around familiar and foreign people, God knows that I want to grow as a peacemaker among the people however, if God asks me to leave the scene for a while so that people may know the difference when Godly people are not around than, I’ll be cool with that because I know that I gain my peace from Jesus.
With the strength and wisdom that God has given me, God knows that I want to the muscle in my back and the cells in my brain to set up a house for my family that I could only dream of when I was growing up however, if God told me that I would have to wait 15 more years before I may gain enough favor with him to be blessed with my family to attend to and raise than, that’s why I have Romans 5:2-4 to keep me of good cheer because:
3.) And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;
4.) And patience, experience; and experience, hope.
Abraham and Sarah waited so many years before she could conceive a child;
through Job’s story, I learned that tribulations occur to the just and the unjust but they brought forth patience, which is something I would need when dealing with family so I won’t be a father who abandon his family when things get tough,
when a person breaks a bone, that bones become stronger than before. That’s experience.
People waited ages for a Messiah; God’s prophets established that hope in the people through their teachings so that when he really came the people had enough hope to realize that Jesus was that Messiah that we all have waited for. Hope keeps positive things on our minds although we may find ourselves in the ugliest of situations. Knowing that God is able to do anything is hopeful as well.
So, Patrick (I talk to myself sometimes haha) don’t be anxious for anything. Just be hopeful and continue to pray so that God may prepare your way for you. And don’t faint in your prayer life.
3.) Remain Confident and don’t conform for anybody because you can’t make anyone fall in love with you.
Maybe in junior high or in high school, I would lose all confidence when someone rejected me. However, I crucified that mentality (haha). Although I respect those who take part in arranged marriages however, I cannot allow someone even date me if they are not feeling me because my ultimate goal as a future boyfriend, fiancé, and then the transitional phase into a husband is for my wife’s genuine happiness–point blank. Now, I won’t sell my soul for her but she will know that she’s loved.
So when dealing with people, I tend to be real about who I am. Although I’m a very diverse person but still, my core will not defer. But in rejections, I’m learning patience, and in patience, I’m gaining experience, and experience (after seeing that I’m really discovering what I really want in a wife plus learning about myself) I’m gaining hope. Eventually, I’ll gain my prize. Haha. Eventually!
So I know that I’m not perfect because I still have somethings to work on in all areas of my life. But I am grateful that I’m where I’m at right now. I have the mind to improvement myself so that I will be a better man. Although my father was not around to see me undergo some of the transformation that I underwent, today he always let me know that he’s proud of me. And you know, I’m proud of him to because he is keeping up with me and my heart has soften to want to keep up with him. My mother done a great job. I’m grateful to what I have become. Striving to be something even better the next day.
If this doesn’t touch you then, I’m grateful that it moves me. I told you all, “I talk to myself.” haha
Much luv and peace.
Truthanluv aka Pat
